Unfortunately, if you do go, a present is expected. But Miss Manners agrees that second and third ones are excessive. What do you think? Should I buy another gift and go to the shower? Or is it OK to send my regards, knowing I will still show up with a gift when the baby is born? But they are all boys, and her oldest is just 2. I could understand if there was some space between the kids, since new equipment would be needed, or if this third baby was a different gender. But I have now been invited to a third baby shower for my niece, whose oldest child is still very young. If it happens during a longer interval with no meal promised, you may rightfully consider them thoughtless.ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I was always under the belief that your first baby shower should also be your only one. But in your example, with lunch having been so soon on the horizon, Miss Manners is inclined to excuse your in-laws for the transgression. GENTLE READER: Certainly, a drink or light refreshment may be offered when one is visiting another's home. Is it unreasonable for me to have expected that they would offer me a drink? Maybe take out the cookies I brought and enjoy them while I was still there? Or was that not appropriate because they took me out for lunch? In my family, this would be considered very rude. Again, nothing was offered - not even the cookies I had brought over. When we returned, not having had coffee nor dessert at the restaurant, we spent about 45 minutes at their house before I left. Nothing was offered to me during the hour before we left for lunch. I went to their house for a planned visit, without my fiance, when the parents intended to take me out for lunch. I am engaged to a man whose parents do not do this, and I am trying to manage my feelings about it. View CommentsĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I was brought up to offer drinks and/or food to people who come over to my house. With this particular surname, you could also just say "the Joneses," but she begs you to resist "the Mses Joneses," as fun as it might be to say. That ought to quell all of those other rightful patriarchal objections. It just does not define a woman as married or not. She therefore humbly suggests: "the Mses Jones." Oh, look at that: She did not spare you the lecture after all. being historically correct centuries ago, not just a 20th-century feminist invention. being short for Mistress - which eventually took on nefarious tones, as so many female monikers do - and about Ms. She will spare you the history lessons about Mrs. GENTLE READER: Having lost the grammatical battle of "they/them" - she is entirely in favor of a nonbinary pronoun, if not the sometimes-confusing plural - Miss Manners is determined to get ahead of new honorifics. (Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, to her email, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.) View CommentsĭEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you address a formal invitation to a married lesbian couple who have the same last name? For example: Lisa Jones and Maggie Jones. If you don't have friends who drink, how about a favorite restaurant? (Miss Manners is assuming that you are unlikely to have a favorite bar.) GENTLE READER: Returning a present to the giver is unpleasant, so let's try to find it a home. It will probably never be enjoyed unless we can find someone to regift it to, which may create a host of other problems.
My husband says that would be rude, so it's sitting in a cupboard. I suggested we thank the person, explain the issue, and give it back so someone else would be able to enjoy it. The problem is that we don't drink, and neither do most of our friends.īecause it's such a nice bottle, I hate to see it go to waste. We asked that people not bring gifts, but someone gave us a very nice bottle of whiskey anyway. DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I had a party to celebrate a big anniversary.
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